Friday, June 25, 2010

I think I just upset the wake up guy.

So what happened to me yesterday?

Yesterday I went to my normal doctor's appointment. My doctor checked my cervix and it had not changed since last week. He put me on the monitor and monitored the baby's heart for a while. Everything looked great he said. Lets have a baby today he said. Those were his exact words. He said he was sending me to the hospital to be induced. He said they would give me two pills to soften my cervix more and then start pitocin and then baby. He said the hospital can be sticklers about letting people in for induction so he wrote up an order for me on a prescription pad and said to tell them I was to be admitted for induction as soon as there was an open bed. He said this in front of Me, Chris and a nurse. The nurse hugged me and said congratulations and good luck. I asked the chance of me being sent home. He said no chance.

I was ecstatic.

We went home, got our bags, got Anna, got the kids all settled, said our goodbyes and see you soons.

We arrived at the hospital. The triage ladies were just like hostesses at a fancy restaurant. "Are you sure you belong here?" "Who sent you here?" "You aren't getting in." I started to worry. But they took me to a room and set me up on the monitor. Baby still looked great. A midwife checked my cervix. It hadn't changed. Still a 3 on outside and 1-2 on inside. Very long. Which the doctor knew when he sent me in. She left the room. She came back and said that she had consulted with the other doctor in my doctor's partnership and he was sending me home.

We asked to speak to my original doctor. He is unavailable. He went up north. He doesn't own a cell phone. A pager. He has dropped off the face of the earth.

New doctor tells me that he spoke with my original doctor and original doctor agrees I should be sent home.

I think new doctor is a liar. I don't think new doc talked to old doc at all.

Chris talks to new doctor. Chris is angry. Chris basically tells new doctor that he doesn't believe him. Chris demands to speak with original doctor. Chris is stonewalled. After much discussion during which new doctor does not listen to a word Chris is saying, finally new doctor says: "I have an office full of patients and I am hanging up now." And he hangs up. He hangs up on Chris. A professional doctor.

There's nothing we can do.

I start to cry. I get dressed. I'm pissed and sad and so upset.

They schedule me for induction on Tuesday morning at 7:45. I ask chances I could get sent home. There's still a chance.

They remind me to go to my regular doctor's appointment on Monday. In my head, I'm thinking, there's no chance and if Chris forgets about it, I'm not going. If I can feel Genny moving, I don't care what they have to say about it. What they say means nothing. They don't say what they mean. Or keep their word. They don't really care about patients. They care about insurance coverages, hospital policy and their precious schedule.

Last three labors for Jennifer Vos:

Dilated to 1-2. Unfavorable Cervix.
Induced on due date, one week over due, two weeks over due.
Induction takes a while to kick in. Takes 12-24 hours.
Finally get to a 4. Break water.
Go from 4-10 in about an hour.
Push 15 minutes.
Baby born.

My cervix isn't going to change in 4 days. What does it matter to them if they did it yesterday or Tuesday?

It mattered to me.

I've been on an emotional roller coaster for the past 3 months. To say that I am in a fragile state would be correct. I was ready. My kids were ready. The baby is ready. She is and don't even try to say for one second that she isn't or she knows best because she doesn't. My body doesn't work right at the end of pregnancy.

This doctor has met me once. I'll bet he didn't even read my history or care. I'll bet he doesn't know that I have had several big baby's with one breaking his shoulder during delivery. I'll bet he had tickets to something last night or reservations at some restaurant that he didn't want to mess up so he sent me home. Don't become an OB/GYN if you need your free time or like to have a schedule. You signed up for this.

Can I request that whatever staff doctor is on to deliver my baby so I don't have to see the other doctors? Because I really don't want either of them to deliver her now. I don't have any faith in them or their abilities. I don't think they care about me or my baby. Also, can I go somewhere else for my 6 week postpartum check up?

I'm not hard to get along with. I'm a nice person. I don't cause fights or problems when it's unwarranted. I'm not picky. I have had the same midwife care for me and deliver my last 3 children. If it weren't for an insurance change, I'd have them again. And I'd be happy.

Things could be different this time. My water could break. I could suddenly go into labor. I would LOVE that. But for now, I go Tuesday at 7:45am to be induced. But I'm not counting on it. I'm not getting my hopes up. I'm not going to take my bags into the hospital.

I'm having a really hard time smiling and saying everything is alright. Right now it just doesn't feel alright to me.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

the delicate genius has a policy!

On monday, I found out that the baby was still breech. I was scheduled for a c-section on Thursday. We went on Wednesday and made all the funeral arrangements based on a three day hospital stay. We arrived at the hospital on Thursday AM to find that she had turned head down.

Here's where Jennifer goes berzerk.

My cervix was a three and long. The doctor on call (my own doc not even there. Hate hate hate docs. Miss my midiwfe) says we can try the pills to ripen the cervix but it would take a long time and that's all they'll do for a "social induction."

Ok. I have a few issues with what she said. I tried to express them but they were falling on deaf ears. Of course the delicate genius knows so much about my labor and delivery since she's experienced the last SIX I've been through. I'm not an amature. I know what happens for me.

A. I have not gone into labor on my own with last 4 babies.
B. I don't consider wanting to have this baby so I can be guaranteed to be at my fil's funeral comforting my husband and children an induction for social reasons. Its not a party I'm missing. This is our life.
C. If I go overdue and have a 9lb 9oz baby that breaks his clavicle, I'm suing someone.
D. I've been induced from a completely closed, long unfavorable cervix. It turned out fine. They just didn't want to do it.
E. Don't tell me to trust my body. My body doesn't know what the heck its doing.

Can you tell I'm upset? I am really upset. Upset no one really listened to me and my feelings and fears. Upset that I may be sitting alone in a hospital on wednesday while my family grieves without me.

My faith is waning. I'm sorry.


Its been a busy, crazy, emotional few days. Chris' dad got an infection that claimed his life. He died on wednesday afternoon. It was unexpected and expected at the same time. The children were shocked and miss Grandpa so much! We all are so concerned for Grammy and helping her through this hard time. Everyone has been so supportive and helpful. We've spent the last few days helping her with arrangements and flowers and food and all those little details that are so important. Grandpa, you are missed!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Happy Birthdays!

I've got two special birthdays to celebrate today!

First, my little Cameron is 4 today. It's hard to believe that he was born four years ago. Seems like yesterday. My due date was June 2 and as I went overdue I was so worried about having him on June 6 because then his birthday would be 6-6-06 and then maybe he would be a devil child. Some days, I think he might just be. :) But most days he is sweet and lovable. He has grown so much this year. Here are some of his accomplishments: completing a year of preschool, potty training, learning to pedal his bike, putting on his shoes by himself, creating multitudes of Spore Creatures and helping put away the laundry. Good job, Cameron! I love you!

Second, today is my dearest, darling Christopher's 38th birthday. I couldn't ask for a better husband, friend, father, counselor, partner and sweetheart. I love him so much! He makes me laugh every day. He comforts me when I'm down. He's patient with me when I screw up. He puts up with all my quirks and failings. He makes me happy! Happy Birthday, Chris!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay

I taught Christopher how to mow the lawn on Friday. He was an eager student and did a really great job. He is hoping to gain some lawn mowing clients and earn money.

Mowing the lawn was my job since I was in the 4th grade. I HATED it. Our lawn was tiny but I still hated it. I remember when we bought our new lawn mower. I had really short hair and the salesman said that the mower would be perfect for me, "Right, Son?" I wanted to kick him.

I used to pray for rain so I wouldn't have to mow. I remember in the 7th grade, I'd be lined up in the bus line waiting for Mrs. Bauer to let us go and asking her if it was supposed to rain that afternoon. I think I asked her every day. Finally she quizzed me on why did I want it to rain so much. I told her and she gave me some "fun" tips on lawn mowing like mow patterns into it. The tips ended up being not really that fun.

When I got married, I knew I would never have to mow the lawn again. Mowing the lawn is the man's job. I think that since we've been married, I've done it maybe 5 times. Under protest, of course.

Now it's Christopher's turn to carry the mantle of "lawn mower" for the Vos house. Luckily for me, I've got 4 boys in a row that can hand down that mantle for the next 14 years. By then, maybe I can afford lawn service.

BABY PREP UPDATE: Cradle is in and cleaned! Garage is organized. Check one off my list and one off Chris'! Hooray for us! And I'm on AOGG book 3. I hated book 2. It was so boring. Can't believe I never noticed before.
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