It's no contest. The guy had nothing! The ship went down, he got into a life boat, I mean, come on.

I'm having a baby in a few weeks. My due date is May 5. I've got 18 days until my due date to be exact. But my babies are usually late so I probably have more like 25 days. I'll be glad when this pregnancy is over. It's been a toughie. Emotionally lately I've been feeling like a wreck. My eyes are leaking all the time.

It's the same old thing. I miss my mom.

I miss her so much when I have a baby. A few months ago I took a meal to a friend who just had a baby. Her mom greeted me at the door. She whisked the meal to the table, got it all set out and had my dishes washed and returned to me before I was done snuggling my friend's new babe. I want that too. I want my mom to come here and stay a week or two and watch my kids so I can get extra sleep and drive the carpool so I don't have to worry about it and catch up the laundry and dishes and reorganize my cupboards and refold all my sheets. I want her to hold my babe and smile at me and tell me how he looks just like I did when I was a baby.

It's just not fair.

I feel like a selfish 13 year old girl when I say those words. It's just not fair.

NieNie never says it's not fair. People dying of cancer never say it's just not fair. People with infertility issues never say it's not fair. I have so much in life to be thankful for. And I am thankful for my blessings.

Why can't I just get over this?

I have a lot of faith. I really do. I believe with my whole heart that someday I am going to walk with God and He is going to show me the super important reason why I had to spend most of my mortality without a mother. And He is going to hug me and it's all going to be ok.

But it's not ok now. And now is what really matters to me now.

Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

Tomorrow is my Sunday to teach Relief Society again. You may remember that my experience teaching last month was disappointing. I have been preparing and praying and preparing and praying a lot about the lesson these past weeks. Today I was reading in my mom's journal and this was an entry I came across:

Sunday April 12, 1987
Dear Diary,
I taught R.S. this morning. I feel I failed. My time ran out. I didn't feel the Spirit. I thought I was prepared but I was not. I need to be more prayerful when I teach. The next time I will do better. I helped Opal in the nursery for a little while. She is ready to be released from that calling.
Goodnight,
Gloria

This lifted my spirits today. I am almost the age she was when she wrote this. She was perfect by now and I am sure her lesson was great even though she felt it wasn't. She was too hard on herself. Just like me sometimes. I loved how she helped out in another calling that Sunday that wasn't hers. That was her...always turning the other cheek, going the second mile, giving the cloak and coat also.

I am going to leave the RS room tomorrow believing that I did a good job because I have prayed and prepared and done my best to deliver the words that the Lord wants the ladies in the Plymouth Ward to hear.

Thank you a million times, Mom, for faithfully writing in your journal!

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." --George Burns

Today was the Platte Family Christmas Party. This event happens every year after Christmas and is part Christmas party, part family reunion. The Platte Family is comprised of my grandmother, her children, her children's children, and her children's children's children. Someday in the near future, i bet we'll have her children's children's children's children. My grandmother is 90. You can read about her here. She has 10 daughters living. They are Aunts Judy, Pat, Katie, Bernie, Mary, Linda, Annie, Jackie, Susie and Tina (born when my grandma was 50). My mother fits between Mary and Linda. There was one son, Tom, who died before I was born, in an accident. His wife remarried and they and their children come to the party too.

A photo of them as children. My mom is peeking out just to the left of my grandma. Anna looks just like her.

The Plattes 2008

My aunts are amazing women. I look up to each one in a different way but mostly I look up to them because they are all such outstanding mothers. Six of them have over five children, several over 10. I have 61 first cousins. My cousins range in age from 18 months to (I'm guessing) 45. Sorry to my oldest cousins if you are younger than this. Many of my cousins are married with children. These children range in age from 22 to newborns. I don't know how many children there are. I would guess somewhere around 90. This brings the total number of people including spouses and significant others attending the party to somewhere around 170. 170 people all attending because of two people who married over 70 years ago and built a strong family with a determination to weather any storm and stand steadfast and immovable.

As long as I can remember, we have held the party at a hall because we are too large a group to fit in anyone's home. When I was little it was at the Westphalia Fire Hall and also at the Westphalia old hall that featured a rather scary basement. The party has been held at the new Westphalia Hall and finally has settled at the Pewamo Hall. As a child, the party involved seeing cousins and playing with toys. My sister and I were almost the only cousins that didn't live right in the same community as everyone else. There were times that I felt like an outsider because these people all knew each other so well and I was felt so different from them. Not only was I a city girl but I was also a different religion from everyone. It would always take me a few minutes to warm up but pretty soon I was running right along with the others. Sometimes we had Santa at the party and sometimes there were movies and pinatas. The party was always a highlight of the year. The current party involves eating the most incredible food on the planet, dodging basketballs, opening gifts and having to thank someone you might have never met for them, singing Christmas carols, keeping your 18 month old from drinking from random cups in the room that may or may not contain beer, talking, laughing and having fun. In addition, many people play cards and this year we took a group photo. The party lived up to all expectations.

I got to spend time laughing at my Uncle Dave's dry wit, marveling at the beauty and slenderness of cousins and aunts and wondering why my dad's genes are so dominate in my genetic makeup, singing favorite Christmas songs that I only get to hear at the party, eating glorified rice, talking with my grandma even though I don't think she knows me anymore, listening to all the complements on my beautiful children, proudly standing by Anna as everyone oohed and aahed over Lucy and just loving being with these people who represent the one person I miss more than anything.

As I listened to my aunts sing, (they are amazing) I could hear my mother's voice and see her standing there clapping and laughing. I was once again reminded that I am never going to stop missing her. She was there with us today and I will always cherish the Platte Party because at it I can feel that much closer to her.

Anna and Lucy, Me and Grandma Platte

Cameron having fun on a riding toy.

Uncle Sam with Anna and Lucy

Spencer or Michael Jordan?

Anna looks a little too excited about Lucy's first Platte Party toy.

Spencer gives a hearty thumbs up to his Assault Machine Gun. Maybe they figured since we live near Detroit...?

Cameron was fascinated by the guitars and music.

He also got in on a poker game.

This is an interesting crucifix sculpture outside the hall. Calvin and Spencer got into a big argument over whether or not it is Jesus. I think I might have to agree with Spencer. That's not the Jesus that I know.