Why am I so scared to share the gospel? I don't know. You'd think I'd be one of those people handing out Book of Mormons left and right. But I'm not. I've given out one in my life and I didn't even actually get to give it. The person I offered it too rejected it before I could even put it in her hand. So I'm a member missionary reject.
I was scared to share when I was a child. I NEVER considered going on a mission. I hated the part of the presidency callings where you had to call or visit the less actives. In high school, I had a friend investigate the church. She got her own Book of Mormon at a book store and started reading it without me knowing. We were sitting in a movie..."Aladdin," I think...and she whispered to me, "Who's Moroni?" I wish I could have paused the movie but I had to wait until after to talk to her about it. She took all the discussions and committed to be baptized. Her parents didn't approve of that commitment, however. She never joined. I don't know if she even thinks about it. We are Facebook friends and it looks like her life is going fine. I guess that makes my record 0-2.
My husband is a pro at doing missionary work. He gives the Book of Mormon to our carpet cleaners, people in hospital waiting rooms, people on airplanes, friends at work...everyone. He's not scared at all. I really envy his confidence. I've been able to pacify myself by saying that I'm a good example for those around me...that's my missionary contribution now. Also, I remind myself that I don't really have any non-member friends. A couple of months ago the missionaries came over and helped me pack my bags for the guilt trip I was about to take regarding sharing the gospel. Ever since then, I've been trying harder to have some gospel discussions with non-members.
At the boy's football practice a couple of days ago, I was talking with a mom and religion came up. She proceeded to tell me how she is Catholic but she never goes and she doesn't believe it and they only stay Catholic to keep her MIL from having a heart attack and what church do I go to? Oh, crap, I think, here it comes. Instead of being excited for a gospel discussion, I was terrified. What if she ran away? What if she didn't like me anymore? What if she asks if she can see my horns? All of these things are running through my head as I swallow hard and say, "We belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Mormons." We continued to talk for a few more minutes but she didn't seem to mind that I am Mormon. Ok...so maybe I can do this. Yesterday, I am talking with a mom at the bus stop. (Turns out there's a nice one.) It comes up that Emily takes piano lessons and she asks from whom and I say someone from church and then she says where do you go to church. Again the hard swallow...and I tell her. She says they are looking for a church to go to. They haven't been in a really long time. Then the bus comes and the boys load up and she goes home to her house.
So, two conversations that really went nowhere. How do I turn these into sharing the gospel experiences? Just give these two ladies the Book of Mormon? Continue to talk to them and hope it comes up again so I can invite them? I really want to share because the Gospel brings me so much joy; I want everyone to have it! Am I doing this right?
1 hour ago