Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Although the whole story kinda comes apart at the end there.

I might not have any taste.

I was listening to Mitch Albom's show on WJR last week.  It was last Monday, the day after the Golden Globes.  They were talking about who won and who said what..blah, blah, blah.  He commented that "Brooklyn 99" and Andy Samberg should not have won Golden Globes.  He said the show and actor are not funny.

I think they are funny.  I laugh at Brooklyn 99.  I laugh at Andy Samberg.  I like other shows that people think are dumb like "New Girl" and "Dads" and "Ben and Kate".  I like watching award shows.  Golden Globes, Academies, Emmys.  I think they are funny.   Usually the shows I like get cancelled.

I like good food at restaurants.  I don't know why.  I can't write paragraphs about them and the nuances in the flavors and textures.  I just like stuff.  If someone asks me if I like a restaurant, I will say yes or no.  I can't back it up with any reasons.  Either the food is good or the food is gross.

Same with movies.  I like them or I don't.  I don't have a long list of how this joke was canned or whatever take on American society this was.  If a movie has a baby or a wedding, I like it.  If it has a death, I do not like it.  If kids are hurt...don't like it.  

Some books I like and some I don't like.  I can handle a sad book over a sad movie.  Actually, I really like sad books.  Especially if they are about any aspect of WW2.  Don't know why.  Don't care to expound.  It's just what I like.  I don't like sappy love story books.  James Patterson.  Nicholas Sparks.  Never Ever Ever will read them.  Ever.

Here's something else I don't like.  Mitch Albom.  He was mean to my husband when they both worked for WJR and I've heard several people who worked with him refer to him as Satan incarnate.  I've tried to read his books but the fact that he was mean clouds all his "wonderful perspective on life and the afterlife."

Also I'm pregnant with baby #9.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Random Thoughts and Happenings

Just a few random things...

If the word "douchebag" is offensive to you, do not read on.

I need an alternate word for "DB."  It's such an awful word.  But it nails, so perfectly, what a guy who is a DB is.  It's Stef from "Pretty in Pink" and Chet from "Weird Science" and White from "Dodgeball."  They don't just exist in movies.  They are in real life too.  I can spot them in a second.  I have great DB-dar.  They are worse than just a "bad guy" because they seem to have no soul, no redeeming goodness.  So if I'm discussing a DB with Chris in the kitchen or my older kids are lamenting a DB from school with small children present, "DB" isn't a good word for them to hear and repeat.  I need another word, but it has to capture the essence of "DB."  Send me your ideas.

Football season is over.  Calvin finished his season with his teams 5th trip to the Super Bowl and 4th win in a row.  His team is pretty amazing.  It's a group of boys and group of coaches that love each other.  Seriously.  Not one DB in the bunch.  ;)  He came home from his banquet and put his head on my shoulder for a while trying to hold back tears that wouldn't be held back.  I patted his back and just let him let them out.  He's so sad the experience is over.  I wanted to tell him that high school will be just like this.  That there will be other awesome teams.  But I honestly don't know if there will.  What he was a part of was truly magical and sometimes you only experience it once or twice in life.

Some of my aunts came over for dinner on Saturday.  Anna and I cooked for them.  It was so fun and so joyous.  It was like having 6 different pieces of my mother here with me.  I learned two very wonderful things from them.  1.  My grandma, mother of 12, took naps every day.  Phew!  I'm relieved to know I'm not the only one who needs naps.  It's in my genes!  2.  My mom liked to put her fingers in her sisters' mouths while she slept.  That's where Teddy got it from!  His grandma!  It's in his genes!
Six aunts, one cousin, one 2nd cousin, one daughter and one sister.  And me.

I like three pillows when I sleep.  Three squishy pillows.  One of my pillows disappeared several months ago.  I was very sad.  I searched high and low but never found it.  I had to make do with two pillows.  Then last week, another pillow disappeared.  Again it's gone and no one has seen it or taken it.  It up and vanished like a fart in the wind.  So now I'm down to one lonely pillow.  I hate it.  What happened on Monday night?  You guessed it, pillow #3 disappeared.  Ugh.  I was so tired that night and I didn't want to stomp around the house looking for my pillows.  I spied my shams across the floor and decided I'd take a sham out and sleep on that for the night.  Hopefully my pillows would turn up in the morning.  I took the pillow out of it's pretty sham case and lo and's my first missing pillow!  Then last night, I found pillow #2!  So one more and I'm back to sleeping in my usual comfort.  I don't know why I thought anyone would find that interesting.

Someone needs to explain to me Common Core and why I should love it or hate it.

Monday, September 30, 2013

There's nothing more sophisticated than diddling the maid and chewing some gum.

A couple of weeks ago, Chris and I were driving down Main Street and he spotted a Lamborghini parked in front of one of our favorite restaurants.  He was impressed.  I asked him, what's the big deal?  He tells me about how it's handmade and it costs probably $400,000.  I googled and he was a little off.  It's only $387,000.

$387,000 for a car.  Even if I was filthy stinking rich, I would have trouble paying that much money for a car.  It would be hard to justify.  Starving people on the planet would outweigh my need to blow money like that.

I started to think about what I would blow money on.  Like if I was just loaded.  And money were no option.

I love my house.  I want to live here forever.  So I don't want a big, fancy house.

My dream car is an old 1970's muscle car that costs about $25,000.

Even though I like to shop, I am happy with clothes from Penney's, Target, and even thrift stores.

I don't wear any expensive makeup.

My favorite shoes are Crocs.

I don't want to spend money on fancy purses or luggage or home decor.

You know what I would love?  I would love a maid.  I would willingly start dropping the cash for a maid to come in here and clean all this crap up.  Organize my house.  Keep it organized.  Clean my car on a daily basis.  Do all my laundry.  Toilets.  Scrub the stains out of the carpet.  Clean up after I cook.  Take out the trash.

Not having to do that stuff would free up tons of time.  I could go out to lunch and read books all day  spend so much more time with my children.  It really would be blissful to have a maid.  That's where I'm willing to blow my money.  That and a fridge stocked with fancy sparkling water.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Because I think the blind would probably be a little messier around the house. And lets face it they're not going to get all the crumbs. I'd possibly be walking around with a sponge.

Spencer and I had a conversation last night about a girl in his class who has a messy desk.  Spencer is a very organized, neat child.  Messes stress him out.  He was anxious about this girl who just takes her stuff and "shoves it in."  What's wrong with her, he wants to know.

What Spencer doesn't know is that he is being raised by that girl.  I am her.

I had the messiest desk ever.  My desk in third grade was so messy that my teacher, Mrs. Mott, dumped it out on the floor and made me clean all my stuff up in front of the entire class.  Papers went everywhere.  Pens, pencils and crayons rolled away like they were trying to flee the scene.  I wanted to melt into my chair.  It was a horrible experience for a 9 year old to endure.  Mrs. Mott didn't like me anyway and was probably secretly happy about dumping that desk.  Turns out she held my messiness against Anna too and made her 3rd grade experience a living nightmare.

I'm sure that Mrs. Mott was trying to teach me, in her warped way, to be more organized and productive and I wish I could say it was a turning point in my life.  I wish.

My locker in high school was so stinky that I never got my total locker deposit back at the end of each year.  They kept the $5 to, I assume, fumigate.

I continue to be messy and unorganized.  My method of organizing is shove the crap in the (cupboard, drawer, under the couch, garage, closet, under the bed, freezer, van) and if the door closes, SUCCESS!  All you need is for the door to close.  Sometimes you might have to shove and shove to get that door to close, but my motto is never give up.  You will get it.  Just keep trying.

Last night, I told Spencer to be nice to that girl.  Mommy is a little unorganized, I said.  He offered to teach me how to be organized.  Tonight he is starting with a binder.  Let's hope he's not using the Mrs.
Mott approach.

Friday, September 6, 2013

I can't believe it! You were *huge*! Like blubber! I couldn't even get my arms around you...

Lizzie loves to take pictures with my phone.  Usually she asks to borrow it and then she goes around the house taking random shots of herself, her siblings and me.  Occasionally, I'll go through the photos to see if there are any worth keeping and delete most of them.  This last time, she took a shot of me sitting at the computer doing something.  From the side.  It was a very unflattering shot and my first thought was, "I can't believe Chris stays with me if I look like that."

I'm a fatty.

Sometimes I forget that I'm a fatty and then I see a picture of myself how I really am and I'm reminded.  I'm not just a little fatty. I'm a really big fatty.

Ever since she took the picture, I've been thinking about it a lot.  About how fat I am.  And feeling very badly about it.  Here's the problem though:  Instead of feeling motivated to change, I feel motivated to eat an entire ring of Costco danishes.  Eating is what I do when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm bored, when I'm celebrating, when I'm lonely, when I'm normal.  It's what I do.  Food is good.  It tastes good and makes me feel good.

I'm not talking about the kind of food in pictures you post on Facebook of your quinoa and health shakes.  No.  I'm talking about the pictures of the loaded baked potato casserole and stuffed crust pizza.  I see the posts of the healthy food.  I read you say how its soooo yummy and you feel soooo good after eating it.  I don't believe you.  Have you ever eaten a burger from 5 Guys and fries?  That is what I consider soooo yummy.

And then there's exercise.  I HATE exercise.  I see you running and pxwhatevering and crossfitting and I feel tired.  I don't want to do it.  It's boring and makes me hurt and makes me tired and I don't even really believe it will work for me.

I don't know what to do.  Because I hate myself looking like this.  And I'm starting to worry about getting older and carrying this weight around.  I worry I will have a heart attack or stroke.  I worry I will get diabetes.

I don't know how to change.  There are so many roadblocks in my mind to doing it.  It's expensive to exercise and eat right.  I can't just throw items in a crockpot or casserole pan and be done.  With my busy life, I can't spend a great amount of time each night cooking.  I can't join a gym.  I can't buy workout clothes.  It will hurt.  It will make me tired.  It's boring.  I don't have time.

So I'm telling you skinny people, keep doing what you are doing.  Keep running.  Keep pxing.  Keep eating your almonds and kale.  Because you don't want to be me.  Almost 40 and fat.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Hey kids. What's the deal with homework? you're not working on your home!

It's back to school time at the Vos Household.  It's my very least favorite time of the year.  I love having the kids home.  There's nothing I can do about it so I try and make the best of it.  This year we had a special back to school FHE and talked about each of us setting a goal for this school year.  The goals they set were very thoughtful and relevant to their lives.  I read this on another blog and decided this will be my goal:

Three Unbelievably Simple Parenting Ideas: 1) Children need a minimum of 8 touches a day to feel connected to a parent. 2) Each day, children need one meaningful eye-to-eye conversation with a parent. 3) There are nine minutes during the day that can have the greatest impact on a child: the first three minutes right after they wake up, the three minutes after they come home from school, and the last three minutes of the day before they go to bed.

They sound incredibly simple and like "Duh, aren't I don't this?"  But sometimes I need a reminder.  Especially the eye contact.  I am the queen of multi-tasking.  I talk to them while cooking, cleaning, folding, washing.  I need to be more present.  Hopefully I can keep it up longer than a week!

On Labor Day we spent our time swimming and BBQing with Anna and Tony.  At night all the children got their Father's Blessings.  It never ceases to amaze me how the Priesthood works.  I love that Heavenly Father knows what my children need and need to hear and then He works through the Spirit to tell my husband what to say.  It was a very special time together.

All the backpacks got packed.  All the clothes were laid out and washed.  The new shoes were all ready.

We woke up bright and early at 5:05 and I made omelets for each child before they left for school.  This was the first year that Emily drove herself and Christopher to Seminary.  I love it!

They returned home from school with all positive experiences.  Spencer has all of his friends in his class.  Almost every single one.  That teacher is in for a boisterous year.  Cameron, on the other hand, only has 2 friends in his class.  But he was ok with meeting new friends.  Calvin is starting Chinese as an extra class at the high school every morning.  That should be a challenge for him.  Christopher has classes from one end of campus to the other.  He said he will be late to one class every day.  Emily has a class called Advanced Science Fiction.  Really, this is a high school class?  I'm very interested to read the syllabus.  Lizzie doesn't go to school until tomorrow.  She's super excited about it.  Her backpack is almost bigger than she is.

Six kids at 4 different schools.  I'm tired already and it's only day 1.

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I would drape myself in velvet if it was socially acceptable.

I recently came across a copy of my dad's obituary.  I hate it.  It makes me feel terrible awful.

We wrote it with the funeral home guy.  It was me and Chris and Anna there.  He asked us all kinds of questions.  I had never done an obituary before.  I didn't know there was certain protocol that was expected to be in obituaries.

After it was published, I found out that we did it wrong.

We put in every one's middle names.  Including my grandma's middle name.  Which was Maedream.  Apparently she didn't want anyone to know that.  Maedream  Maedream Maedream.

Also, we didn't include my aunt's names.  I now know that an obituary should look like this Bruce R. (Betty) Ballard.  The funeral home guy didn't ask us our aunt's names I guess.

When we saw my grandma after the obituary was published she was sure to tell me that it was the worst obituary she ever saw.  She said it was a travesty and an embarrassment.  Those were her exact words.

I wish I could forget what she said but I don't think I ever will.
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