I remain tender toward the bees

A post has been ruminating in my head for a few weeks and I wanted to save it for Mother's Day because it seemed more appropriate but I just have to get it out now. (This blog is such a lifesaver for me. Sometimes there is just stuff you have to get out! ) Anna had a post on her blog last month about women who influenced her during her lifetime. It got me thinking about the special women who influenced me. I think of them often but don't credit them enough for helping me become the person that I am.

My mom was so sick at different times that she was hospitalized for extended periods and during these times I did not live at home. As a child, it felt like I was away for months at a time. The first experience I had was living with my Aunt Pat and Uncle Ken. I lived with them when I was small--maybe 4 or 5--and I'm not sure for how long. It seemed like a really long time. Living with them was very different for me than living at my own home. They lived on a farm in the country and I was used to living in a townhouse in the city. They had 5 children at the time and I was an only child. I was used to spending a lot of time with my dad and their dad worked at night and slept during the day. You couldn't make noise in the house that would wake him up. The prospect of him accidentally waking was terrifying to me because he was very, very tall and stern. I think he's probably 6'5" and to me as a child, he was a giant. I missed my dad so much during this time that I was away from him and once I was crying and my uncle picked me up and rocked me in a chair and just held me until I stopped and felt better. It was such a tender moment and from then on, I was not afraid of him. I wish that I could say that I learned specific things from my aunt during this time with them but I think I was too little to soak anything in. I do know that she loved me because she took me in and cared for me during a time that was difficult for our family. I always think of my Aunt Pat as a woman who has had a gentle influence in my life.

Another summer I lived with our Stake President's family. They had nine children at the time and I think they rounded it out to 10 eventually. The family ranged from college students to babies. I learned so much from them! The mother was the most soft-spoken woman I have every known. I NEVER once heard her voice above a regular speaking tone and even her speaking tone sounded like a whisper. I aspire to be that great, but I fail miserably. I learned to hate waffles at their house because that was all we had for breakfast. You could have waffles or homemade cereal. I really missed my Grape Nuts, which was my favorite cereal at 8. So I hated waffles after eating them every day for weeks. I learned how to clean at their house. Sis. Cheney gave me a little card each week with my jobs on it. I had to clean the tubs with comet and a scrub brush. I had to dust the living room including their daughter's harp. I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Once I got scolded by Pres. Cheney for leaving my shoes in the kitchen. I never did it twice. Even at my young age, I learned that spending time with individual children is very important. As parents, they would take out each child individually periodically. It made an impression and I follow their example in our home today. I also learned the importance of Sabbath Day observance from them.

For a while, I had to go to another family's house after school because my mom was in the hospital and my dad was at work. This family had a very interesting mom. I would not say that she was overly expressive with her affection. Even her smiles seemed forced. It bothered me because I was used to my mom being cheerful and lavishing me with hugs and kisses. This mom scared me a little and I would try and stay out of her way when I was at their house. However, she was a good woman. I found out that my mom had given birth to Anna while I was at her house. I was so excited and thrilled to have a sister and after I hung up the phone with my dad, she hugged me and was so happy with me. There were times that my parents had to leave me with them in the middle of the night and rush my mom to the hospital. There was never a question as to whether they would take me in. I have seen her on her hands and knees scrubbing our floors because my mom was too sick to do it herself. True service above self was what this sister taught me.

Another time that my parents needed to leave me in the middle of the night, the above mentioned sister couldn't take me in because she was having a baby of her own, so I went to another family's house. I didn't know them very well and I was so scared. I remember the mom putting me to bed and I was crying because I missed my parents so much. (I was such a crier when I was away from home. I can't tell you how many sleepovers I had to leave because I just couldn't stand being away from home.) The mom laid down with me on the bed and told me a very wonderful story about a husband that she had had who died and something about an airplane. I can't remember it very well, but it calmed me and made me trust her and know that I was going to be alright. Her kindness towards me will never be forgotten.

Another woman in my life started out as the mother of a child I babysat. I loved babysitting! I would give up any activity with friends to babysit for them. This woman became a friend to me as the time passed. She and I would go out to lunch and I would go over to her house and just hang out. Several times when her husband was gone, I would go over and we'd watch movies and eat ice cream. She and her husband gave me my first job after high school to earn money for college. She helped me financially so many times when I needed her. She taught me to have fun being a mom and have fun with my children.

My mom had a good friend who became my friend too. She took me to pick blueberries and we canned something together or maybe froze something together. Sweet Corn? I can't remember exactly! She took care of Anna after school everyday until I could pick her up and she would sit on her porch and talk and talk to me like she had nothing else in the whole world to do. I know she did because she had 5 kids and was super busy. I needed those talks with a woman then. She was so kind to do that for me. I remember staying overnight at her house once because I was going to watch her kids while she and her husband went to the temple early the next morning and she and I stayed up really late and talked. I remember her telling me know much she loved kissing her husband which I didn't understand exactly then but now I totally get it. (Sorry, Laurie!) I could always count on her if I needed her. She was one of the first people at our home after my mom died giving us her shoulder to cry on. I know she did so much more than I'll ever be able to thank her for.

I know I learned the most from the mother of my childhood best friend. I met their family when I was in the 6th grade and at that time they had 6 children. Over the next few years, I became great friends with their oldest daughter and fell in love with their oldest son. I spent a lot of time at their house and then when they moved away, I would spend entire weeks during spring break and Christmas break there. The mom was the most patient, kind person I know. I never heard her yell. How I aspire to be a non-yelling mom! Once I threw a Tootsie Pop across the room to someone at their house and it hit her baby on the head. He started crying and I felt terrible. It was the closest I ever saw to her getting mad. She said, "Oh!" at me. She was great at managing their home and getting things done. She made great meals. She also seemed to know exactly what to let go and what to make priority. I am still learning this lesson. I watched their family grow from 6 to 8 in the course of the years that I knew them. The things that I remember about them are things that are happening to my family now. Doritos and sugar cereals were a LUXURY. We had Doritos all the time growing up and now I hardly ever buy them because an entire bag lasts about 10 minutes. Same with sugar cereals. I can remember going to the store with her and buying 5 gallons of milk at a time. Same with us now. I can remember children sleeping anywhere and everywhere in their home...couches, floor, beds. Same as our house. I can remember the kitchen never seemed really clean because someone was always fixing something in there. Same as our house now. I could feel her love for her family and her love for the Lord. Being in her presence always brought me such great comfort.

The word charity can have negative meaning for some. It seems that no one wants to be the recipient of other people's charity. The word, charity, comes from a Latin word (yes, I took HS Latin) meaning love. Charity truly is the pure love of Christ expressed by a loving action towards another person. These women knew, perhaps by the influence of the Spirit, how to give me what I needed to get by during difficult times. I have learned by the example of women, special charitable women, who listened to the Spirit and acted when prompted. I am so thankful to them for the influence for good they had and continue to have upon my life.

Thank you to Aunt Pat, Sis. Cheney, Sis. Griffioen, Sis. Plowgian, Joan, Laurie, and Sis. Washburn. There are many, many other women who have influenced me and I am not trying to leave them out. I'm thankful to everyone, but this is just about a few women I have been thinking of lately.