It is an understatement to say that I don't like to be touched. I hate it. I don't ever want to get a professional massage. I know I am probably the only person on the planet who feels that way. I have people tell me all the time, "Just try it. You will really love it. It is so relaxing." I will not try it. I will not love it. It will not relax me. I barely like to be touched by my family. I can stand hugs from my sister and kids and other family but other than that...don't touch me! I don't like it. If I were stranded on a desert island with anyone, even Tony, I would sleep with my head on a rock rather than on the other person. I remember once I was sitting somewhere upset about something and talking to someone about it and she kept stroking my arm. Her stroking my arm started to upset me more than what was upsetting me in the first place. If I could sleep in my own bed all tucked in with blankets completely tucked around me, I would. I'm just not touchy-feely. Maybe there is something wrong with me.
There is a commercial out right now for Kleenex. A woman goes around and touches stuff and you hear in her mind, "touch door," "touch paper," "touch car," etc... I feel like this woman all day long except all I hear in my mind is "touch Mom." I wake up in the morning to being tapped three times by Emily that she is ready to go. Then I actually feed another person from my body like 8 times in the day. It doesn't get much more touchy than that. I have a toddler constantly touching, pulling, poking, pushing and riding on me. When any of the older kids want to talk to me, they poke at my arm, "Mom...mom...mom." Can I tell you how much I DETEST being poked in the arm? I really do. More than most anything. Sometimes I feel like my body is not my own. There are no boundaries for my body. It is just open to anyone poking or prodding at it at any time.
So when it comes time for "touch wife," I am usually totally spent and agitated and ready to just be tucked into bed, covers over head with no more touching. What can I do about this? Is there some touch training I can go through to become less sensitive to the kids touching and more open to the husband touching? Is there anyone else like me out there who knows how to help me?