Sunday, July 19, 2009

Yes! They happened! But this, our family, is what's happening now, Bob. And you are missing this!

We had a guest youth speaker in our ward today visiting with our high counselor. He spoke on the blessings of the temple. One of the experiences that he shared was how thankful he was for the temple because his step-father died and he knows he'll be with him again someday because he and his mom and him (too many he's and him's, sorry) were sealed together in the temple. However, he said that just because of that, he doesn't stop missing his dad and it doesn't hurt any less. I struggle with these same feelings. I am thankful for the knowledge and belief that I have that I will see, be with, hug, live with and enjoy my parents again someday.

That being said, every day is a struggle for me because I miss them so much. Everywhere around me, I am constantly remind of them. I sometimes have to block out some things I see or hear because I can't handle so much memory. I hate how much stuff they are missing. I really want to know what was sooooo important that Heavenly Father couldn't wait to have them do until they got to be with us a little longer. If it sounds like I am questioning His judgement, I am I'm not. Sometimes my heart just aches with the loss that I feel. Sometimes I want to scream out like a child, "It's not fair!" Sometimes I lose eternal perspective.

I don't think you can really understand this unless you can see the Thestrals.

1 comment:

GramMO said...

YOu are a dear, Jen. My heart aches for you. I wish all of you lived closer... selfish I know.. You are an inspiring and amazing woman to have seen so much in your young years. You are a treasure. I'm sorry your heart hurts so often.

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