I often wonder about my life and choices that I make and how my life would have been different if I had made different choices and had different experiences. Does everyone do that? I think we all wonder, what if?
What if my parents had never joined the church? I certainly would not be doing what I am doing now. I probably would have made it through school and college and gone on to medical school and I might just be done with a residency now. I'm guessing maybe I'd be married but my career would be first before children. I doubt my sister would be here because without the faith and inspiration that she was supposed to come here and the priesthood blessings she received, she may not have survived her first few fragile days. Would I know true Joy? I don't think I would.
What if I had stayed at BYU instead of returning home? I wouldn't have met Chris and have the six wonderful children that I have now. In this same vein...what if I had married someone out there? I did like a boy at BYU. I loved him from afar for 7 years and never let him know. We were great friends and if he liked me back, I didn't know it. He was everything a young man should be before his mission...just friends with girls, not serious, etc... I hope my boys are just like him in that regard. But what if he came home from his mission and I was still single and we got married? I would live far away from Michigan now. Far away from my sister. I would have gone through the years of my father's declining health unable to assist. One of the things that I cherish most about my husband is the way he takes care of my family. When he graduated from college, his didn't really care much what job he had as long as it was in Toledo near my dad and sister. He wanted to be integral in their care. He would not consider anything that wasn't in Toledo. He hired my brother-in-law after he graduated from BYU in part to bring them back to Michigan because he knew how important it was to me to have my sister close to me. I am so glad that I left BYU, that I met Chris and that I decided to marry him. Best decision I ever made.
What if we had decided to limit our family to two children? I think about this all the time. What if Emily and Christopher were all we had? My life would be less hectic, less stressed. Yet, I love the hectic-ness. I love the stress and the noise and the craziness of our 8 member family. I am so happy. I have so much joy. We made the right decision to have the children we are having.
Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out if my mom hadn't died. I think I would be much better without alot of the weakness that I have because she compelled me to be good. However, I think I would have weaknesses in other areas. I wouldn't be able to endure trials and heartaches as well because I wouldn't know loss. I wouldn't be able to comfort others in their times of need and trial because I wouldn't know how they feel.
I am thankful that I have made these good decisions for my life. I hope that as my life continues to unfold that I will continue to choose wisely.