Monday, September 15, 2008

I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed

I still have 14 days til my due date. I go to the midwife today and I am hoping to find out if I'm making some progress towards the magic 10 cm.

One thing that I've been excited about with this baby is that most of my "mommy" issues are resolved. My therapist declared me cured about 4 weeks ago. It is is a relief for me to feel and be normal. Usually when I have a baby, I lose it a little emotionally because I really really really want my mom here. I was thinking that maybe it wouldn't happen this time but then I wasn't so sure. A lady in our ward just had a baby last week and her mom is here helping. Yesterday, when we walked into the church building, I saw that grandma with her granddaughter. We walked behind them to the chapel and they sat several rows in front of us but I had a perfect view of them. I kept finding myself drawn to watching them during Sacrament Meeting. The grandma was so cute and sweet with the granddaughter. The granddaughter was standing in the pew and had one arm around the grandma. It was truly adorable. I sat and imagined what it would be like to have my own mom interacting with my children. I know she would be delighted with them. I imagined what it would be like to have her take my newborn from my arms for the first time and snuggle her to her face and whisper sweet words and have her eyes fill with tears. As I thought of these things, I remembered the birth of each child and one of the most precious moments to me is when my sister comes in and meets the baby. She takes the newborn and snuggles it and says all the right words. She stands in for my mom.

I am going to be okay this time because I am "cured" like the therapist said and because I am going to let my sister be that comfort to me that I so desperately need.

I love these photos of my mom because her face shows so much joy in being a mother and interacting with me.

Anna finding joy with baby Spencer.


C said...

You are great! Love, cvsr p.s. Your mom gets them ready to come to us.

Diana said...

I LOVE the song you quoted for your title. Your husband is very insightful and your sister very loving. I hope the magic 10 happens soon, so very soon.

The Onofrio's said...

I love you.

GramMO said...

I wish you love and peace and joy and the ability to feel your parents' presence and love always. The Ballard girls are amazing, amazing blessings. I believe Chris has it correct. I can hardly wait to hear Lizzie's news. I'm sure your mom and dad have prepared her well. Love:)

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